Hello September

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Photo by Matthew T Rader on Pexels.com

This month snuck right on in, didn’t it? I awoke to pitch-black skies and a whole lotta rain. Everything seemed different. Somewhere, nature is quietly whispering, “Autumn is coming, you moron.”

Today, Gus begins her very last year of preschool!

Fitz and I will be celebrating our wedding anniversary this month. We’ll be heading back out to wine country (where we were hitched in 2009). Fun fact: the morning of our wedding, we wine tasted at Silver Oak Winery. There were so delighted to hear that we were getting married that day that they handed us a bottle and said, “Congrats and cheers!”

I am really missing having a dog. Is it time for us to adopt one? Maybe. We went through MWBTR when we rescued Theo in 2010.

That’s all for now. Stay dry!

A Note About Dads

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve called my dad in a panic: either the basement flooded, my car was smoking, the pregnancy test said POSITIVE (this was years ago; not pregnant now), I forgot the name of our favorite mechanic, or I was just needing to feel a sense of calm in the world. My dad has always had an answer to my most impossible moments.

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Watching Fitz become a Dad has been extraordinary. He has sewn up a beloved stuffed animal, read books in silly voices, changed thousands of middle-of-the-night diapers, walked fussy infants around restaurants, and despite having a sensitive stomach for anything medical, he watched both of our babies come into the world. He coached soccer. He took Gus to her first gymnastics class. Throughout all of this, he was patient, genuine, and interested.

And my two dads…Tom and Jerry. Who would’ve thought that in marrying Fitz, our fathers would become best pals?! They work together, have breakfast together, go to The Masters together…they even have the exact same birthday: Nov. 8th, 1947. In watching these dads become grandparents, I saw them show up to the bus stop, drop in on baseball games, host putting/chipping contests, babysit in a pinch (even overnight), dole out lollipops, and talk in earnest to these little beings, pointing out all the ways in which this world is magnificent. Throughout all of this, they were patient, genuine, and interested.

I cry readily thinking about these great men. I call on them at the very best and very worst times. I love them fiercely, even more so knowing that I’m not an easy person to love. 🙂 And they still show up. They still answer every phone call. They still ask, “What can I do to help?”

By just being who they are, they have allowed me to grow and get through the toughest, darkest parts of life. To Fitz, and to Tom and Jerry, you are everything good. You are patient, genuine, and interested. I love you for it all.

A Most Enduring Mother’s Day Gift

In honor of Mother’s Day, I’m sharing a favorite column of mine written in 2016 for The Glencoe Anchor. Its words are some of my favorite as it pertains to this holiday and the mothers and mother-like figures we celebrate.

I feel as though I’m drowning in gift guides. Each day brings about an email, a tweet, or a conversation that starts with something like, “What are you getting your mom for Mother’s Day?” and ends with “Hmm…well, at least I have some time.” I’ve seen lists, flash sales, quizzes, and even a heart shaped pizza touted as the ideal Mother’s Day commemoration. 

This is a tricky holiday and a very good one. Fortunately we have an occasion in which we can recognize incredible women in our lives that have mothered and mentored us in a capacity that has had profound influence. But let me be candid: we are all conflicted about our mothers in the best possible way. You see, those little personality traits that they have that drive us a bit nuts? Let the world come full circle when you find yourself yelling at gridlock traffic, folding socks a peculiar way, or preparing a recipe in the same dedicated fashion. We ARE our mothers sometimes and that can be a wild roller coaster reality to accept. 

It’s okay to idolize your mom, too. No matter your age, acknowledging the deft multi-tasker, expert advice giver, master chef, gentle soul, and kind disposition of this person resonates deep in the heart. I still get a little emotional when my mom bakes me a banana bread or presents me with that perfect, most thoughtful gift. Mothers just have that way of getting to us like no one else can. 

I would be remiss if I didn’t touch on something delicate: we aren’t all lucky enough to have a mother. Maybe she doesn’t live nearby or perhaps she is simply not here. For this extra special group, I implore you to exercise gentle consideration. No matter what happens in life, a mother is a constant. She is a wave in the ocean or the rising of the sun. To be without a mother on Mother’s Day can feel like you’ve lost your own hands. It’s a good time to check-in with these friends and be the constant for someone who needs it. At the very least, it’s an excuse to gather together and share one of those heart-shaped pizzas. 

Back to those endless gift guides. Society might have you considering spa appointments or sparkling jewelry, but I’m here to share a secret that will change your gift-giving forever. It is meaningful, exquisite, and you won’t find it on any ‘must have’ gift guide: This Mother’s Day, share with your mother a time or memory when you were proud of her. Pick up the phone and tell her about it. Don’t text or clog her cell phone with emojis. Don’t pen a longwinded email. Let her hear your voice when you speak. Let her recognize your connection to that memory. Let the moment be authentic even if it feels weird or emotional. 

As for me, I will share this: Mom, I remember seeing your smiling face in the audience at every dance performance of my life…every recital, half-time show, competition, and awards ceremony. I was so proud of your unwavering support. I was proud of all the times you enjoyed my performance and the times when you were candid about me doing better. Now that I’m a mother myself I deeply appreciate how you constantly carved out time in your life to cheer me on. I know that it wasn’t easy but you sure made it look effortless.

City Girl Confessions: The Art of Missing Home

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City Girl Confessions is my recurring column published via The Glencoe Anchor.

My husband once proclaimed that five days is the ideal getaway. Shorter than 5? That’s great. But longer? That’s when home sickness can start to creep in.

Hold up, though. I’m not talking about the slow ache that can come from deep longing- say, how I felt when I first went away to college and missed my family. I’m talking about the gentle pull I feel when I’m away from my usual routine for too long. It’s those times that I begin to miss the mundane elements of everyday life: walking my dog down the street or writing in my favorite arm chair. Oddly enough, I even miss the feeling of standing in my kitchen gazing into my yard. It’s something I do every morning. I notice the sun’s position, the growth on trees, and how still the weather feels.

For Spring Break, I traveled to Texas with my family. To get away from chilly, rain-soaked Glencoe was a welcomed respite. We visited extended family, rode rollercoasters, ate barbecue, and jumped into swimming pools. Everything was beautiful and oversized (yep, the old saying is true). The warm sunshine and endless acres of hill country were soothing, fascinating, and enjoyable- precisely the emotions one hopes to get out of a vacation.

One evening, during dinner, someone raised a toast our visit to the Lone Star State. “Yes,” I chimed in, lifting my wine glass. “Here’s to experiencing a little southern living!” The table fell completely silent. It was then that my father-in-law casually pointed out that Texans “don’t consider this ‘the south.’ it’s just Texas.”

Hmm. Okay. Learn something new every day. 

While that take is certainly one that I didn’t see coming, I also recognize that the whole point of travel is get away, shake up our understanding of the world, and see how other people live. How we exist in the world is entirely our own- there is not one ‘right’ way to do it. And Texans are not alone in their declarations- whether we want to admit it or not, us Midwesterners have our quirks. And that’s okay- those differences make us unique.

After more than five days of wildflowers, cattle ranches, and hotel pools, I was beginning to feel that gentle pull of homesickness. I found myself yearning for the routine of my yoga mat and a regular dinner schedule. Oddly, I even craved bundles of freshly folded laundry (living out of a suitcase for a week will make one long for unusual things). 

I’ll confess- this emotion is what brings a vacation full circle. As fun as it is to get away and see how others live, it can be equally soothing to return to our regularly scheduled lives. For this reason, I will openly welcome a return to chilly, rain-soaked Glencoe. When I arrive home, I will stand in my kitchen, gazing outside at the usual view, marveling at the way things are changing and growing. 

Weekend: Busy Fun

  • Galentines & Valentines
  • A 7th birthday at Dave & Buster’s
  • Chocolate piñata (!!!)
  • Meetings for LGBTQ+ advocacy
  • Tulips, roses, and hydrangeas
  • Norman Love chocolates
  • A baby shower (rare these days)
  • Elton John’s Farewell tour
  • Drinking champagne three days in a row
  • A brief trip to a casino; always fascinating
  • New Member Ceremony at my church
  • Family birthday party with a Pokémon theme and a peanut butter cup cake
  • NO writing while made me crazy because I had sooo many ideas and no down time

Did you do something busy fun? Is Dave & Busters really just Vegas for kids?! Tell me in the comments…

Convos With Writers: 11 Questions with Anna Lane

Crack your knuckles and do some light stretching because the dynamic, articulate, fun, and spirited woman you’re about to meet will have you laughing so hard that you’ll mildly choke on that glass of wine paired with Oreos (no judgment; it’s nice to eat allllll the treats once kids go to bed).

Ladies and gentlemen, meet the vivacious Anna Lane. She’s a hybrid of former actress/ stellar comedian/ humor writer who serves as the Los Angeles Editor of StrollerTraffic and the voice behind Misadventures in Motherhood. And yes, her California-sunkissed blonde hair and radiant smile is the stuff of dreams but that is besides the point.

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Now that your appetizer is over let’s shimmy right along to the main course.

1. What do you write and what are you reading?
I like to say that I write anything – as long as I’m being paid for it!  Mostly I write a blog, Misadventures in Motherhood, and I’m the LA Editor for StrollerTraffic.  I freelance for a living, so I’ve done everything from punching up scripts to ghostwriting a TED talk. I’m currently reading A Little Life.  It’s beautiful, yet also disturbing, especially if one is a parent.

2. You’re a former actress and stand-up comedian. When did you recognize that you had a way with humor?
I’ve always been described as “quirky” so stand-up comedy really came about when I was frustrated with acting (or, more correctly NOT acting) and I needed a creative outlet. I was terrible at first, as are most people, and it takes quite a few years to learn how to write a great joke, but I found stand-up to be so much more fulfilling than acting. Once I learned to write jokes and realized how good I was at doing so, humor writing was a natural progression. I’m sure there are people who find my sarcasm about parenting off putting, but you can’t please everyone, and I’m fine with that.

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3. You throw the door open on deeply personal topics. How do you decide the right level of candor when you write?  
Interestingly enough, I’m actually a very private person. The thing that I love about blogging is that I choose how much to share and how much not to share. I try to be very careful and respectful of my kids and my spouse and to not reveal things that are incredibly embarrassing. That being said, I think it’s important to discuss the realities of birth and marriage and sex after kids. Women should be fully informed that their lady parts will NEVER be the same after giving birth, and that even if they can fit into their pre-baby clothes they aren’t going to look good on a body that’s carried, birthed and fed a child or three.

4. Who are your mentors?
  
When I was doing stand-up I worked with Wendy Liebman who is the most incredible woman. She’s a talented writer, a warm and caring person, and an amazing wife and step-mom. She’s truly the type of woman that has me asking, “How does she do it?” I’m also really inspired by the ladies at StrollerTraffic, because they are all Moms who are writers, and it’s pretty awesome to have a job where your colleagues understand if you have a sick kid. My blogger crush is Ilana Wiles from Mommy Shorts – I’m constantly amazed at the amount of content she manages to generate and how she keeps her blog fresh and funny. Plus I would kill for her traffic and sponsors!!!

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5. What does rejection look like?  
Haha – the entirety of my adolescence and acting career!  My therapist, however, has probably paid her mortgage thanks to all of the sessions we’ve logged due to my rejections. Look, it’s difficult to not take rejection personally especially when you do a creative job that comes so much from your heart and soul. It sucks. I’ve found as I’ve gotten older and more confident in my abilities as a writer that I’m not quite as bothered by people telling me “no thanks” anymore.

6. Talk to me about writing sex scenes.


I think as a society we have a very unrealistic idea of what sex is “supposed” to look like. The reality is that after ten years of marriage and two kids you’re just trying to stay awake long enough to do the deed.

7. Who do you love and how does that sneak into your writing?
I love my kids so much, and I’m grateful to them for sending me down the path of being a writer. If I hadn’t needed a creative outlet after my son’s birth, I would never have started blogging, and my blog is the way I got all of my other jobs! Sometimes I think about shutting down my blog, and I just can’t do it, because it’s sort of The Little Engine that Could, slowly trudging up the big mountain and making it to the top when no one thought it would happen.

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8. Your Instagram account (@TheAnnaLane) is peppered with a hilarious stream of motherhood memes. Tell me more about it.  


I have to give credit for the memes to an old stand-up colleague, actually. I was putting funny jokes on Facebook and Twitter and he emailed me and said that I should turn them into memes, and suggested I use my profile photo as the background. I had NO IDEA how to make a meme, and he actually walked me through how to do it. I’m so thankful that he did that, because it’s really helped with my branding, which I was struggling with on Instagram’s visual platform. I think people don’t often read the captions, so the memes are a way for me to tell my parenting jokes in the photo.

9. What has been your greatest lesson with being a freelance writer?
That my work is worth GOOD money. I’m still learning this lesson, especially when it comes to my blog and sponsored content. Writing is a talent and a skill.  Writers are necessary, and it’s important to understand your value. That being said, when you first start out you may have to take a couple crap jobs to get established and build your resume, but you need to understand when that’s no longer appropriate. Ask for what you’re worth, you might be pleasantly surprised at people’s reactions.

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10. Wildest dream you have for yourself?  
To turn my blog into a TV script, sell it, and write on the show. I should have time to write that script in about 18 years when my kids leave for college…

11. Tell me a story about a story:  


I’m not even sure what you’re asking here, but I’m almost positive that the writers from Sex and the City based the baby gherkin storyline on me. I dated a guy in college when I was living in New York and he had the tiniest dick ever, and I was in the bathroom at a club, crying in a stall and complaining about it to my friends and how there was no way I could continue to date him. Two years later that whole scene showed up in SATC practically verbatim. The guy was a total douche who still lived with his parents at age 33 and not worth my time or my bedroom skillz, but hindsight is always 20/20. I comfort myself by reminding myself that he’s enjoying a lifetime of women dumping him because his penis is too small, so there’s that.

BONUS POINTS:

Favorite snack? Chocolate covered pretzels are my undoing.

On a kidless day, what are you doing? Yoga, mani/pedi, reading Domino, and probably day drinking with a girlfriend.

Gracious thanks to Anna for sharing bits of herself and a Sex and the City reference I will not soon forget. Follow her hilarious memes on Instagram, check out StrollerTraffic, and read along on her ‘little engine that could’ blog.

***As part of this series, writers are asked to submit photos capturing who they are as well as a glimpse of his/her writer life.

***Know someone that would be a great fit for 11 Questions? Nominate them or yourself by reaching out to me at KellyQBooks (@) gmail (dot) com.