Convos With Writers: 11 Questions with Amanda Simkin

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‘Chicago mom’ is a term synonymous with Amanda Simkin. When I was freelancing for parenting websites, our paths kept crossing in such unique ways that by the time we officially met I thought, “Wait- how have we not been friends for years?!” Good news, we are friends, and I glean inspiration from this mama-of-two everyday- her luminous smile, candor, and entrepreneurial spirit make for a high-five-worthy convo.

Amanda’s writing went viral when she wrote a blog post about the best Christmas lights in the Chicago area. She swiftly crafted her blog into a full-blown business that helps guide parents and families, while celebrating all things Midwest.

So let’s dig in.

Continue reading “Convos With Writers: 11 Questions with Amanda Simkin”

Convos With Writers: 11 Questions with Brittany Drehobl

You guys, get ready for me to throw the book at you, because Convos with Writers is back and my new interviewee will basically convince you that the hottest club in town is your local library and you will need to HIT IT UP TODAY.

She’s a marathoner with a master degree.
A Cubs fan who also resides in the Holy Land (Wrigleyville)
A Slytherin / Feminist / Activist triple threat
She is…my favorite pink-haired librarian, Brittany Drehobl.

Let’s stop the book-throwing and start the book-talking. Onward!

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1. What do you write and what are you reading?

I honestly write whatever comes to me, and lately that’s been a blog recapping my Chicago Marathon and training way back in 2014 that never transitioned into anything else, some private hand journaling, some well-intentioned Tweeting, a few quarter-finished Young Adult novels, and approximately the 17th round of edits on a picture book featuring my dog, Mac.
Continue reading “Convos With Writers: 11 Questions with Brittany Drehobl”

Convos With Writers: 11 Questions with Barbara Mahany

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How kind was life to slide Barbara Mahany into my heart? We met at a book signing for a famed Tribune food columnist years ago. We exchanged email addresses and questions. She was patient and encouraging with me. She taught me to ‘thumb slam’ with my writing (but more on that later). She penned a book (Slowing Time). Then another (Motherprayer). And she continues to weave a beautiful cord of faith and serenity into a world that can often feel wobbly and frightening.

Let’s get to chatting.

1. What do you write and what are you reading?
These days I spend a good chunk of my time writing essays from the heart. Essays from the homefront. Essays in which I slide quiet, barely noticed moments under the magnifying glass, and begin to explore, to plumb their depths, to listen to the questions they beg, and fumble toward moments of epiphany.

2. The cover art for Motherprayer is stunning- a wild wreath encircling two eggs. What can you share about this image?

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I knew I wanted a deeply of-the-earth feel. I love old etchings, and botanical drawings. It’s my fascination with biology and nature, first of all, and my leaning into nonfiction – even in art. I’d stumbled into the nesty theme in the organization of the sections of Motherprayer, and a representational drawing of a nest, one that one of the great naturalists might have jotted into field notes, it suggested the realism, the delicacy and strength of composition I was hoping for. The designer popped in the two fine eggs, and the moment I saw them I was charmed. I happen to be the mother of two boys; I’ve wondered if I were the mother of girls, would they have popped two pink eggs in my cover nest?

3. You write candidly about faith from the well of your Jewish-Christian marriage. Presently, our country is wading through turbulent political dialogue in which faith diversity and practice have come under scrutiny. What has this dialogue felt like for you?
The divisiveness in our national dialogue breaks my heart, shatters my heart more accurately. I long ago committed myself to a life of ecumenicism, of open heart, of searching for common threads, recognizing and honoring differences, but weaving, always weaving, toward union. So the dis-union of now sickens me. Because words are my daily bread, I live by a promise to not use words as sharp-edged weapons. I will speak the truth, but I try to make sure to say it in ways that employ tools of opening, not hurting or jabbing, or leaving others wincing. I find illuminating more powerful than eviscerating.

4. To write is to know rejection well. Tell me about a time when rejection was especially poignant.
Some of my toughest rejections are probably the ones that unfold in my head, as I scare myself out of even trying to play in the big kids’ playground. I’ve been working on what a friend of mine calls “the thumb slam,” that moment of distilled courage in which you hit the send key and dispatch some latest version of an unsolicited essay or article to any one of the publications we all consider Big League. I only had my first byline in The New York Times a few weeks ago. I’d twice sent essays to the motherlode blog, and twice been told, no thanks! The Times felt like a threshold to me that I might never cross. Ever since I left The Chicago Tribune, where I was a writer for almost 30 years, I’ve had to employ degrees of courage that frankly exhaust me. Since much of my writing is from the heart, a rejection of that feels like a double whammy – I always think, “Oh, my writing isn’t good enough.” And follow that with, “Oh, I guess my heart isn’t good enough either.” Ouch.

5. Motherprayer is a stirring meditation on how we love so wholly and deeply. Who do you love and how does that sneak into your writing?
I love rather deeply. I love the nooks and crannies of the human heart, in all its limitless iterations. I love plumbing the depths, finding the universal core, the story at the shining heart of whoever it is I’m writing about. When I was at the Tribune I loved the chance to discover the beauties at the heart of whomever I was writing about. It’s my abiding belief that if you listen long enough, and closely enough, you will find the pulsing story that animates each someone.
In writing about my own moments in mothering, I’m exploring and reflecting on the intricacies of my own motherheart, as deepened and expanded by the loves of my life, my two boys. I’ve been a student of the human heart my whole life. Before I was a journalist, I was a pediatric oncology nurse. And now I’m a mother. Each one of those three threads is a call to attend to the heart. Often, the undisclosed heart. The secreted-away heart. In peeling away the layers that occlude the heart from everyday notice, I’m delicately exploring, holding up to the light those shimmering marvels of humankind. Saying, this is beautiful. This hurts. This is courage. This is hopelessness. I use my pen as an instrument of precision and plumbing. Empathy is always my aim. See the beautiful. See the glory. I find it often, in nearly anyone I take the time to write about. And certainly from the front rows of mothering, I am endlessly fascinated by this up-close watch on the human heart and soul unfolding, stumbling, fumbling, getting up again and trying once again to soar…..

6. What does a perfect writing day look like for you?
A perfect writing day begins early, before dawn, when I’m the only one stirring in my old house. I write by lamplight, at the kitchen table, or at my old pine writing desk. I might take a stroll outside, sit for awhile on my garden bench. Breathe deeply. Pay attention. Scribble notes. Then, in a morning fueled by coffee, I’ll sit down with something that feels pregnant with possibility. I’ll not know exactly where I’m going, but one synapse will fire and connect to the next. And suddenly dots are connected, depths are traversed, epiphanies occur. I needn’t write all day. I just need to write well. With birdsong in the background. Or the tick-tock of an old grandfather’s clock.

7. It’s a tradition in this series to talk about sex (more specifically writing about it). What can you share?
I hate to disappoint, but I don’t write about sex, and here’s why: My husband, the Tribune’s architecture critic, Blair Kamin, is a somewhat public figure who writes deeply seriously about architecture and design. That he happens to be married to me, a journalist who has veered into the realm of first-person essay writing, does not mean he should be subjected to the exposures I’ve made part of my regular writing landscape. So our unspoken agreement is that I don’t write about him or the intimacies of our life together – and by that I mean our conversations, his dreams, our struggles; the whole landscape of anything from his private realm is considered out of bounds. Of course I honor that.

8. Let’s hear some of your goals, the wilder, the better.

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More than anything I wanted to become a wise old lady. One whose kitchen table was always open for business – for the business of hearts being shared, stories unfurled, and wisdom swapped back and forth. I would love to write essays that stir upon impact and that linger, leave a mark. New York Times bylines would be lovely. Essays for NPR. More books if I think I have anything worth saying. I’d love to study poetry in a more rigorous setting – a class, a poetry seminar, or years-long tutorial with a mentor/teacher. Teaching writing in small groups, or leading conversations into the depths of the sacred, of the human heart – preferably in a breathtaking, bucolic setting (I’ll soon be teaching in an old farmhouse on a magnificent Midwest farm), with a rooster crowing in the not-so distance.

9. You were a pediatric oncology nurse, an occupation that must have felt so heavy on the heart. What lessons have you carried from that time?
The truth of my years as a pediatric oncology nurse was that I learned from “the kids, my kids” a true lightness of the heart. Kids with missing limbs, not a hair on their heads, with tubes inserted here and there, those kids laughed and joked and – most days – made you forget they were stricken with cancer. I wasn’t yet a mother when I worked at Children’s, but the devotion of the mothers and fathers took my breath away every time. These were mothers who never left their sick child’s bedside, yet somehow managed to be there for their other kids as well. I marveled at how they awoke at the barest whisper, how they kept vigil through every needle stick and poke and prod. I held mothers as they wept. They taught me, day after day, what love looks like, how it’s lived. I learned of course how precious each and every day is. And I learned that you never ever know when your life is about to be turned on its head. And how you can take on anything, any thing, life throws at you. And you can laugh along the way, and stitch each day with joy and tenderness, and love that will not die.

10. When were you most proud?
In my writing life, the moments that most glimmer in my memory include my first byline in The Chicago Tribune, when I was still in journalism school, (and waiting at midnight at the corner of Fullerton and Lincoln for the Tribune delivery truck to lumber along, and the driver to leap out and load the stack of next-day papers in the news box) and my recent byline in The New York Times Book Review, which I never thought I’d see. I loved most that it was an essay about my firstborn’s boyhood books, and how deeply those books were etched into my heart. It was the perfect first NYT byline. But just as lastingly, it’s the moments when someone will write me, or come up to me, and tell me that they’ve cut one of my stories out of the newspaper, and tucked it in a wallet, or a bedside table, or into a kitchen “stash” drawer, and over the years, they’ve read and re-read it. To know that your words reached so deep into someone’s heart, that’s pure blessing. It’s why I write: to put words to the whispers – the heartaches and anguish and loneliness and, yes, ineffable love – in all our hearts. To say, in words, we’re not alone.

11. Tell me a story about a story.
One night, many summers ago, I was driving down Western Avenue when I glanced toward the side of the road, and saw a bent old man covered in pigeons. Pigeons on his head, his shoulders, his outstretched arms, his lap, his shoes. I wasted no time in pulling a Chicago-U (right turn to right turn up the alley, then two more rights, and back to where I’d just passed) and sure enough there he still was, the Pigeon Man of Lincoln Square. A thousand questions tumbled forth: Who was this, why was he there, was he always there? Why weren’t the birds afraid? How open was his heart?
I circled back the next day. Waited near the fire hydrant. Wandered into nearby storefronts, started asking questions. Right away, I heard the stories. Oh, the Pigeon Man, you mean? And then the who-what-where, as well. He was a regular in the streetscape theater. He followed a daily rhythm. He’d be coming soon, sure as the sun would reach high noon. So I wandered to the bus stop, and I waited. Sitting back away from the curb, so as not to pounce. The bus lurched to the stop, off stepped the bent little man, his janitor’s pants a few sizes too big, cinched by a too-long belt, his satchel weighing down his shoulder, giving him a lopsided gait. I absorbed the posture of the pigeons – I held back, kept a respectful distance at first, gained his trust, then inched closer in. I asked questions, he began to answer. The more solemnly I listened, the more he bared. He took me, proudly, to his neat-as-a-pin room, in the attic of a bungalow a few bus stops away. He showed me his meticulous method for feeding the pigeons, the dearest, most loyal companions in his long and rough-hewn life.
I wrote his story for The Chicago Tribune. He laminated half a dozen copies and carried them in his ever-present satchel. Two years later, the day he was struck by a van and died on the sidewalk along the busy city street, he was clutching a laminated copy of that story. And that’s how the Chicago cops came to call me to ask if there was anyone in the world – besides me – who might want to know that Joe Zeman, the Pigeon Man of Lincoln Square, had just died.

(Editor’s note: WOW)

Bonus points:

What children’s book is forever imprinted on your heart?
The Tasha Tudor Book of Fairy Tales, breathtakingly illustrated by one of the 20th-century’s great illustrators. In my mind’s eye I can still see page after page, each one an invitation into the depths of imagination. And, just as breathtakingly, The Secret Garden, by Frances Hodgson Burnett, also illustrated by Tasha Tudor.

Special thanks to Barbara for sharing her words and heart with us today.
Pick up Motherprayer.
Follow Barbara on Twitter.
Read her stunning essay for The New York Times here.

But most of all, carry her lovely energy out the door and plant yourself a word garden. Let your writing grow into something more.

***As part of this series, writers are asked to submit photos capturing who they are as well as a glimpse of his/her writer life.

***Know someone that would be a great fit for 11 Questions? Nominate them or yourself: KellyQBooks (@) gmail (dot) com

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Photos courtesy Barbara Mahany

Convos with Writers: 11 Questions with Wendy Altschuler

Imagine surfing in El Salvador
Kayaking in Big Sky, Montana
Strolling atop the Burj Khalifa in Dubai
Wandering the markets of Hong Kong
Traversing a glacier in Iceland
Practicing yoga in Mexico

Now imagine that you’re paid to do this. More specifically, paid to write about it.

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Such is the life of travel writer and world adventurer Wendy Altschuler. She’s vibrant, zestful, and stunningly beautiful inside and out. Simply put, Wendy’s the kind of luminous go-getter that will inspire you to grab a bag and run into life’s next big moment. But more so she will passionately convey the notion of being a good person, exuding confidence, and throwing yourself out of your comfort zone.

Also have you ever seen a cooler photo than this?

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Yeah, that’s what I thought. Let’s get chatting!

1. What do you write and what are you reading?
The anomalous thing is that, even though I’m a travel and lifestyle writer, writing is not my passion. My passion is learning about other folks’ passions—exploring the “how” and “why”. For me, writing is a means to an end. I get the biggest rush out of discovering the behind-the-scenes story of how a woman owned and operated bakery came into fruition after years of setbacks; or why a cubicle-tied, working professional decided to leave a hard-earned career to start a surfing retreat for solo travelers; or why a grandmother decides to skydive over 1,500 times, even after friends died practicing the sport; or why a master sommelier decided to write an entire book on one specific, tiny region in Argentina that makes Malbec wines.
When I was younger I felt sort of sorrowful that I could never be an expert of many things and that really knowing how to do something well takes a lot of time and energy. So, I’ve found great happiness in a career that allows me to see slices of life, cut from many amazing—and diverse—human beings, that have done the hard work, made the effort and took risks to live out loud and declare, “Why not me?” I have the amazing opportunity to learn from, and be inspired by, story-worthy mavens with all sorts of dreamy backgrounds and know-how.
I’m glad you also asked what I’m reading because I truly think you can’t be a great writer without also being a fervent reader. I get really excited about books, which leads to reading multiple titles at the same time.
Anyway, currently, I’m reading “Barbarian Days: A Surfing Life” by William Finnegan; Ronda Rousey’s “My Fight Your Fight”; Amy Schumer’s “The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo” and, because hiking the Appalachian Trail on a thru-hike with my boys is on my bucket list, Bill Bryson’s “A Walk in the Woods.”

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2. Your Instagram account is a dreamy lens into our world’s landscape. Tell me about a place that took your breath away.
In 2016 I visited seven countries (including Mexico three times) and each experience was, of course, incredible and offered an inimitable experience. I was the most surprised by Hong Kong, however, because I knew, or thought I knew, so much about it prior to visiting and my expectations didn’t align with the actual experience. After all, isn’t this why we travel—to be blown away, to see the world through a kaleidoscope lens, to learn a new truth? I loved how accessible nature was and how, even though the population swells to well over seven million people, it’s easy to find peace and beauty within the urban landscape. The food was incredible, the street markets were insane and detonating with life, and it was super easy to get around—the public transportation was clean, efficient and wicked fast.

3. What does a travel writer’s schedule look like- and is it really that glamorous?!
I always say, the writing is the easy part. The challenge, the meat of it all, is all of the hard work that goes into what happens before and after something gets published—pitch letters, interviews, building relationships with PR/Media companies, fielding a ridiculous amount of press releases and e-mails, following up and keeping everything (and everyone) straight, constant promotion and social media campaigning, freelance reimbursement record keeping, etc. It’s a lot. And, because I’m often working on multiple projects at once, that are in various stages of development, I have to be well-organized and have a clear picture of the process from beginning to end.

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4. To write is to know rejection well. What can you share about being rejected?
Often we take rejection so personally, and how can we not when we’re invested in something? What I’ve learned is that—assuming you’ve done your homework, and have done your best to direct your concepts to the appropriate objectives—rejection rarely has anything to do with you, your talent or your ideas and it usually has everything to do with what is needed at the moment or with what a publisher/editor has envisioned. I’ve also learned that if you raise your hand, put your heart-felt aspirations out there, and live with an ethos dependent on integrity, the universe will provide—in spades.

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5. What locations should everyone have on their bucket lists?
I think that everyone should visit somewhere, anywhere, alone—at least once. When you travel solo you’re much more aware of your surroundings, you’re more willing to make eye contact and talk to locals, you really appreciate your loved ones back at home and you leave the experience with a certain confidence and trust in yourself that you didn’t have before.

6. Who do you love and how does that sneak into your writing?

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When I became a mom 10 *cough* years ago, I became very aware of how I was influencing my boys (I have three adorable feral creatures). I want them to see me as someone that’s gritty and brave, someone that doesn’t shy away from experiences that are petrifying (hello, skydiving, trapeze, skiing after injury, roller derby, urban rappelling, solo travel, running half marathons…) and these adventures are all ones that I write about and often bring my boys along to witness or experience themselves. I also adore my husband, Scott, a man I’ve known exactly half of my life. I use him as a sounding board for my ideas and he’s the one that pushes me to follow through. Scott is my living journal and the one that will remember our intertwined life through a different perspective, which makes me incredibly lucky.

7. It’s a tradition in this series to talk about sex (more specifically writing about it). What can you share?
I once contributed to Parents magazine on how sexy I felt in my body when I was pregnant—well, at least that’s how I felt the first time when everything was newfangled. I loved how my shape morphed and matured and I was able to let all of my body insecurities go—that reckless noise that so many women allow to grow loud. I felt comfortable in my skin. Turns out, being confident and loving the skin you’re in is super sexy to your partner as well! Now, that’s a good recipe for searing sex.

8. Biggest, wildest dream for yourself?
Jim Carrey gave a commencement speech a few years ago that really stuck with me because he said, “I did something that makes people present their best selves to me wherever I go.” Wouldn’t it be amazing if you chose a path in life that inevitably brought others delight and happiness, so much so that you are constantly met with respect, kindness and love? It’s selfish really, but the result of making others feel good is that you too feel good. My wildest dream for myself: be an agent of joy.

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9. If someone wants to be a travel writer, how should they get started?
Travel. Write. Read. Repeat. If you want to be a writer, of any kind, write. Eventually, one clip will lead to a bigger clip, which will lead to bigger clips. Also, read the kind of stuff you want to be writing and surround yourself with other writers and creatives.

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10. When were you most proud?
I think I was the proudest when I realized that I could do big things and have the kind of life that everyone deserves—one full of love, adventure, friendship, success and happiness. I was raised in an exceptionally poor family that deeply struggled in heartbreaking ways and, because I didn’t have a safety net or support of any kind, I had to claw my way out of that story and be an advocate for myself. I had to go after things with a scrappy “fake it till you make it” sort of methodology because, even though I believed I would probably fail, I couldn’t leave anything on the table or to chance. There’s great power in being completely responsible for your own happiness, your own life, and not displacing sadness, fear or anger onto the cards you were dealt or onto someone else. Also, misery loves company but that doesn’t mean you have to visit.

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11. Tell me a story about a story
After sweating it out on the tarmac for hours, waiting for Chicago to get its weather act together, (our plane) finally took off; circled Chicago, circled Detroit, and then *groan* turned around and headed right back to Toronto. I sat on that plane for six hours, thus missing my next flight to Finland.
By the time I learned the Chicago flight was cancelled and I’d be stuck in Toronto for two-TWO-days, it was 1:00 a.m. and there were zero hotels with a room available. This unpredictable travel adventure has taught me some great lessons:
1. When someone says they can’t help you and that X is all they can do, ask someone else…keep asking.
2. Someone always has it worse! There were several babies and children on the plane, elderly and folks that didn’t clearly understand French or English.
3. When you’re in the millionth line the next day, with a horrible headache, and you’ve just slept in a hard chair at the airport, it’s ok to hop the long line and go through first if an agent is waving you up—w/o Priority status—for your rebooking. (Lesson: you don’t know what every traveler went through, you’re not being slighted and the person might have a legitimate reason for cutting-they may not have carelessly slept in or possessed poor time management, like I’ve thought before.)
4. An act of kindness or a friendly face can go a long way—the adorable and funny ticket agent actually made me tear up when she joked with me, after a long day of frustration and disappointment.
5. Pack light-possessions are an extreme burden when you’re an airport nomad.
6. Invest in PacSafe RDIF gear so if you do pass out, your stuff is safe and you won’t get your identity swiped/stolen.
7. Always pack protein snacks and a refillable water bottle.
8. Appreciate the people in your life that will talk you off the ledge, keep you company over the phone so you’re not lonely, and work it out with you, even at 1 a.m. (Thank you, Scott Altschuler, I love you!)
9. Keep your contact case/solution, hand lotion, Chapstick, a shawl or snugly sweater and wet wipes (for emergency “showers”) in your carry on.
10. All in all, take flight cancellations/changes in stride; be patient; do all that you can, as quickly as you can; communicate with people that were depending on you to make your flight or connection and try not to worry about what you have zero control over.

Many thanks to Wendy for her worldly candor and cogent advice for those writing and hoping to travel-and-write. Here’s a little link love:

Salivate over Wendy’s Instagram account
Check out her website for clips/bio

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(as you fan yourself with wanderlust, peep these bonus points)

Wendy’s secret tip for packing:
Figure out what you want to pack and then leave 25% of it home. I also pack some clothes that I intend on donating or trashing, which leaves room in my suitcase for souvenirs.

Her best airport meal:
One that involves a glass of wine or salty margarita.

Go out and explore, friends. Write it all down.

***As part of this series, writers are asked to submit photos capturing who they are as well as a glimpse of his/her writer life.

***Know someone that would be a great fit for 11 Questions? Nominate them or yourself: KellyQBooks (@) gmail (dot) com

Convos With Writers: 11 Questions with Nathan Bransford

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If you are in the writer world, then you already know of Nathan Bransford. His website/blog is lauded with awards from Writers Digest. He is a former literary agent and CNET social media manager. His tips for querying are recommended by some of the biggest names in books (ahem, Veronica Roth). He penned a trilogy of middle grade novels, and speaking of novels he literally wrote the book on them. Exhibit A: How to Write a Novel by Bransford himself

(Editor’s note: not only is this on my bookshelf, but it’s relatable and readable in just one day. Highly recommend).

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Nathan was game for a convo so sit up in that seat and get ready to hear some good ol’ fashioned storytelling from a guy who knows just about everything when it comes to books but can still cry about a good rejection.

And away we go…

1. What do you write and what are you reading?
I’m currently working on a young adult novel, in addition to my blog about writing and publishing. I recently finished reading Furthermore by Tahereh Mafi, which was fantastic by the way.

2. For years your website has consistently been named to the list of ‘Best Websites for Writers’ by Writer’s Digest. Assuming you don’t scroll your own posts, where do you go to get help or inspiration for your writing?
I mainly get my inspiration from my own writing and from the editing projects I’ve tackled over the years. I try to hone in as much as possible on what works and what doesn’t so I can develop “rules” that will help me see my own work more objectively in the future.

3. You used to be a literary agent. Talk to me about all the times your name has been misspelled (and other pet peeves, natch).
Oh man. That’s assuming they even got my name right entirely. I kept track on query salutations one time and fully 23% of the people who queried me got it wrong. And it’s the absolute easiest thing to get right!!

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4. Tell me about rejection.
I was an agent when I was submitting Jacob Wonderbar to agents, and a part of me thought it was going to be a walk in the park. I mean, I was an agent! I knew a bunch of agents! Then all the agents I knew rejected me.
Thankfully Catherine Drayton took me on, then she submitted it to editors. I had submitted tons of books to editors so naturally I thought I would be super cool out on submission. Two weeks and a dozen rejections later I was awake at 2am on a hotel room floor in the fetal position. But eventually I got a few offers and chose to go with Penguin. Then when Jacob Wonderbar was getting reviewed I found out a certain publication accused me of stereotyping and I was sobbing in a cab.
Rejection is constant and I don’t think it really gets easier. You just have to suffer through it to get to the good stuff.

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5. How did you come up with the idea for Jacob Wonderbar? Have you always wanted to write Middle Grade?
The idea for Jacob Wonderbar just came to me one day, I didn’t set out to write a Middle Grade novel. I imagined this kid stuck on a planet full of substitute teachers, and from there, I just kept building the world around that kid.

6. Who do you love and how does that sneak into your writing?
My friends and family. I haven’t yet written a character who is based on a single person, but there are little snippets in there everywhere.

7. It’s a tradition in this series to ask about writing sex scenes. What can you share?
That I’m terrified of my mom reading one I’ve written.

8. Biggest, wildest dream for yourself?
I’d like to earn enough from writing that I could own a brownstone in Brooklyn and “rent” the in-law apartment downstairs for free to a promising novelist working on their debut.

9. Writing a novel feels so overwhelming yet you (literally) wrote the book on how to do it. What advice you share to ease a first time writer’s fears?
Embrace the right kind of fear! Fear how upset you’ll be if you don’t ever write your novel more than you fear feeling crazy for trying to write one.

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10. Let’s talk about the cover art for the Jacob Wonderbar series.
I was ridiculously lucky that Penguin chose Christopher Jennings to do the illustrations. In fact, I had originally described Dexter differently than Christopher drew him, but I liked Christopher’s illustrations so much I changed Dexter’s description to match the illustrations.

11. Tell me a story about a story.
There once was a storied story named “Story,” which was written on the 15th story.

Bonus points:
How many book ideas or half-drafts of novels are laying around your hard drive?
My hard drive is 95% story ideas, 5% actual novels.
Least favorite word?
Hack, in pretty much every usage possible.

Humble thanks to Nathan for sharing so candidly (even about sex scenes which one day his mom might read).

Peruse Nathan’s popular blog
Follow him on Instagram
Also on Twitter
He’s even on Facebook
Purchase his books
And be a good person (just because)

***As part of this series, writers are asked to submit photos capturing who they are as well as a glimpse of his/her writer life.
***Know someone that would be a great fit for 11 Questions? Nominate them or yourself: KellyQBooks (@) gmail (dot) com

Convos With Writers: 11 Questions with Lisa Jakub

You already know Lisa Jakub and that’s okay.

You know her from her work in Mrs. Doubtfire or Independence Day or maybe even George Lucas in Love, that viral video before ‘viral’ was actually a thing. She’s a face you grew up with and there’s probably a part of you that recalls a sweet childhood or family memory when you see her face. And that’s adorable.

But Lisa Jakub has left the film world and she’s done so gladly. Nowadays she strolls a path of vivid authenticity as a writer/ writing instructor and her words are wildly refreshing. I invite you to put the Lisa you-think-you-know on a shelf, and get ready to meet a remarkable, down-to-earth, and absolutely exquisite writer.

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1. What do you write and what are you reading?

My first book is a memoir called You Look Like That Girl. It’s about growing up as a child actor, and my decision to leave Hollywood to search for a life that felt more authentic to me. I am currently finishing up my second book, which is about anxiety, depression and panic attacks. It’s my story of dealing with a panic disorder and interviews with other people who are struggling. I also look at the latest research on what works to make life a little easier for those of us with mood disorders. This book is grounded in love and humor and it feels like we’re just sitting over coffee and talking about specific ideas we can try so we feel a little better. I’ve read a lot of anxiety books by doctors and that’s great – but this more accessible, honest approach is what I wish I had when I was at my darkest point.

As for what I’m reading, right now it’s Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle Meltonand The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Díaz.

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2. Your book You Look Like That Girl opens with a scene of you being coiffed by a team of stylists only to have producers look you over and announce that you ‘just weren’t pretty enough.’ This rejection felt so gutting. What has rejection taught you?

Rejection feels brutal and you just want to crawl under a bridge and stay there. But rejection is inevitable if you are getting out in the world and trying things. It can also clarify your priorities. For me, being told I wasn’t pretty enough helped me to realize that those values didn’t align with what I wanted to be doing with my life. It reinforced that I needed to retire from acting and figure out what I really wanted to be contributing to the world.

When I found my passion in writing, I didn’t suddenly become immune to rejection. The first time I submitted the memoir manuscript to an agent, he said I should just ditch the whole project because no one would be interested in a ‘celebrity memoir’ that didn’t have rehab, orgies, and car crashes. This time, my reaction was different. That rejection spurred me on. I wanted to prove him wrong because I believed there was a place for a book that showed who actors really are – just people with jobs. I wanted to talk about the fact it’s okay to change your mind and change your life if it’s not fulfilling, no matter who you are.

I really should send that agent a copy of the book and thank him, because his rejection was very motivating for me.

3. Best book you’ve ever read?

That question is unanswerable, it’s like choosing a favorite child. I will say that The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt recently rocked my world. As did Nine Stories by JD Salinger. I reread John Irving’s A Prayer For Owen Meany every other year. Everything Zadie Smith writes leaves me weak in the knees. Brene Brown’s work speaks to a deep truth that I need to have drilled into my brain on a daily basis. That’s not one book, but it’s the shortest response I can offer. I’m sorry.

4. Anxiety is deeply personal for you. What should people know about it?

(It) is real and it’s not shameful. We need to start thinking about mental health issues the way we think about physical health issues. No one would ever say they should just ‘get over’ cancer, or think they got appendicitis because they’re weak. And yet, many of us feel like we need to deal with our mental wellness alone. But if we are brave enough to be honest, there is help available and things can get better. I really struggle with feeling like I’ll never fit in, but I now have a whole toolbox of tactics to deal with my anxiety. Mostly I’ve learned acceptance and love and gratitude. That’s made all the difference.

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5. When were you most proud?  

Ugh. I find being proud to be very difficult. I think this can be a hard thing for women in general but add to that the fact that I’m Canadian and I take humble to the point of obnoxious. But it’s important to acknowledge your accomplishments, especially in our society that keeps moving the bar so we are often striving for unobtainable goals.

I do speaking events at colleges, high schools and conferences. When someone comes up to me afterward to tell me that something I said resonated with them, that they related and they want to share their story – it hits me right in the feels. I also love the community that I’ve cultivated around my blog and social media sites, that direct communication with my readers is so meaningful to me. When we can connect and feel less alone, there is not much better than that.

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6. Writing about sex can be so awkward. Talk to me about it.  

After my grandmother told me that she wanted to pick up ‘that book with the shades of grey’ I stopped thinking sex was taboo. I think if there is something I really find awkward to write about, that is exactly what I should be writing about. Shame is a dangerous thing, it locks us up in the basement and keeps us from engaging with the world. So, the more shameful something feels, the more I know I need to write about it.

I wrote a blog post about my decision to be child-free and didn’t post it for years. But when I finally did, the response was fantastic and supportive. We tend to think that everyone is going to think we are weird if we get vulnerable and real, but actually, it empowers other people to do the same.

7. Who do you love and how does that sneak into your writing?  

My dog, Grace, was always a huge part of my writing process. She was a rescue, we adopted her as a senior from the shelter, and she was my guru and my muse. She passed away three months ago, and I’m still trying to figure out life without her. It’s strange to write without her curled up under my desk. But the lessons she taught me, about resilience and love and devotion will be part of my work, and my soul, forever.

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8. You are a dedicated yogi. Tell me three reasons why I should start practicing.

I try not to be a crazy proselytizing yogi, so I’ll tell you why I practice and you can decide for yourself.

(1) It is the most important thing I’ve done to get a handle on my anxiety and depression (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is also way up there.) It taught me how to stop constantly obsessing about the past or worrying about the future. It taught me many lessons about presence and acceptance that translate off the mat – making me more courageous and capable in the real world.

(2) Physically, I’m in the best shape of my life – and since I’m creeping up on forty, that’s a big deal. I broke my back when I was eleven years old and was plagued with lingering issues and pain. But that all changed seven years ago when I walked into a yoga studio. I couldn’t touch my toes, but that didn’t matter. Yoga is for everybody – you start wherever you are. I hear people say all the time that they are not strong/flexible so they can’t do yoga. Yoga is how you get strong/flexible. There are no prerequisites – if you can breathe, you can do yoga.

(3) I found the community I always wanted. My yoga studio is like home, I walk in and I’m welcomed regardless of what kind of day I’m having. It’s my safe space. I have laughed louder and cried harder in that studio than anywhere else. No one cares if you look cute or if you fall down on your face and stay there because you are just too tired to get back up. It’s a place where it is totally okay to be yourself.

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9. You have gone from high school dropout to writing instructor. What’s your encouragement for others who are on a difficult writing journey?

I think all journeys are difficult, just by the definition of being a journey. If you are growing and following those things that make you feel sparked up, it’s inevitably going to put you in new and difficult situations. I think it’s a powerful practice to get comfortable being uncomfortable. If you choose to not run away even when it gets challenging, yes, you are risking failure. But I realized that I would rather fail than quit – because at least failure is brave. One of my yoga teachers says, if it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you. The ‘comfort zone’ is boring. I’m all in favor of growth and change – even when it feels a little scary. Maybe especially then.

10. Who are your mentors?  

I don’t have official mentors, but there are several women in my life who I look to for inspiration and encouragement. I started a little writing group and those folks prop me up when things feel overwhelming. I have friends – singers and illustrators and podcasters and writers and teachers – who are doing spectacular things with their lives and they remind me to keep doing what I love. My husband is my constant support and he believes in me even in the moments when I am uncertain. I gather strength from all of them.

11. Tell me a story about a story:  

When I was six years old, I learned how to tell a good story by sitting on the diving board of my grandmother’s pool. Every night, Gramma would swim laps before bed while I perched on the edge with my toes dangling in the water. I told her stories that mostly centered around the nocturnal adventures of the owl statue that sat in her garden.

After the swim, Gramma would dry off and critique the story. She was particularly qualified for this, as she had come up through the newspaper world in the 1940s, a gutsy ‘Girl Friday’ broad who demanded to be paid the same as her male coworkers. Gramma taught me about foreshadowing and conflict and character development. She’d tell me the parts of my story that she loved and the parts where she lost track of the plot line. There was no coddling, she never gave praise when it wasn’t due. I’d nod and thoughtfully furrow my brow and consider how I could refine the owl’s story for tomorrow night’s swim.

I don’t have an MFA, I don’t really have any writing education at all – she was the best writing program I could have had.

BONUS POINTS:
Who makes the best yoga pants?

The best yoga pants are the ones that actually get you to do yoga. I don’t care about pricey yoga gear – my stuff comes from Target or Marshalls.

***

High-five to Lisa for being game for this interview and for giving me a reason to get back into child’s pose.

-Peruse Lisa’s writing, blog posts, and speaking engagements at her website.
-Purchase her book You Look Like That Girl
-Follow her on Twitter: @Lisa_Jakub
-Marvel her yoga poses via Instagram: @LisaJakub108

Namaste, friends.

***As part of this series, writers are asked to submit photos capturing who they are as well as a glimpse of his/her writer life.

***Know someone that would be a great fit for 11 Questions? Nominate them or yourself: KellyQBooks (@) gmail (dot) com

Convos With Writers: 11 Questions With Sari Wilson

When I first heard of the novel Girl Through Glass, I remembered the sheen of my dance tights. I recalled the tight bun coiled on top of my head, the sweat dripping down my spine, and the dinners scarfed in the car as my mother shuffled me from one class to the next.

“A young girl’s coming of age in the cutthroat world of New York City ballet—a story of obsession and the quest for perfection, trust and betrayal, beauty and lost innocence.” (HarperCollins)

This, my friends, is the wonderful, demanding world of ballet as told by debut novelist Sari Wilson. It is a world that no dancer forgets. I met Sari this past February during a Chicago stop on her book tour and our conversation grew and unfolded from there. I’m humbled and thrilled to welcome her words to Convos with Writers.

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1. What do you write and what are you reading?

I am reading Dana Spiotta’s new book (Innocents and Others) and a very interesting, sweet book: Terez Mertes Rose’s Outside the Limelight. Rose writes ballet novels- it’s a genre that she champions and there are a growing number of them. She was a professional dancer and writes of two sisters joined by love as well as this destructive competition.

2. I have ballet shoes buried in a drawer. I can’t give them up, they make me feel like a dancer. Tell me the ways in which you still feel like a ballerina.

Probably too many ways because I’m in my 40s now and I haven’t taken class in 25 years! The training really imprints on you. I also have my pointe shoes in a drawer! It’s so interesting to think- what is that about? Why I am still obsessed with ballet? For one, I’ve always been very concerned with form and the perfection of form whether in writing (I worked on this novel for a long time!) or trying to understand the form of a novel and how it works with readers. Second, ritual and repetition with dancing- you never really arrive, you know? You hit a pose once but then there’s another class the next day. You keep going onto the next thing. That’s been helpful as a writer and life in general. I’m relentless about process.

3. What are three books that have stayed with you (over time)?

A Tale For The Time Being (by Ruth Ozeki). It helped me finish my edits as it tells two story lines that time-travel. Ozeki also evokes a great experience. She’s a Zen priest and I have an interest in Buddhism so I was into that filter, that way of looking at the world. J.M. Coetzee’s novel Disgrace (which came out a decade ago)- I read and re-read it. It’s the moral complexity of a man falling from grace and repairing his life- it’s beautiful. My good friend Zoe Zolbrod, her memoir The Telling which I read in manuscript and final form. It’s arranged around her experience of being sexually abused but truly it’s about her memory and response and how what happens to you as a child stays with you over time.

4. You write about an enormously revered real-life ballet icon: George Balanchine. What is the challenge in writing fiction about someone that exists/existed?

Enormous and very scary for me- I avoided it for a long time. For one, historical records are important (you must get it right). In a sense there is historical fiction in my book so one has an obligation as a writer to equate oneself with authenticity. Secondly, sensitivity to the complexity of human beings- when I created the character of Mira and began writing about her ambition, rise, and obsession with ballet, I had to have her go to School of American Ballet which was the center of the ballet universe. I needed her to go there and did a lot of interviews with girls who went to that school and danced for that company. I read memoirs of Balanchine dancers. I also took a graduate level seminar on George Balanchine. On publication deadline, I was sending those scenes to my contacts who had been there in those dance classes asking- did I get it right?!  Some feedback I got: “Yes, you got it right but she wouldn’t wear those kind of shoes, she would wear soft-soled shoes.”

5. What is success for a writer?

Well first there is commercial success and that’s about numbers. Beyond that, success for a writer is starting to look like communicating with readers- you know, finding an audience. The act of connecting with readers is so powerful. It’s sort of like preparing a large feast and inviting people to come over- you are sad if no one comes! You want people to enjoy the feast. Readers talk to me about (my characters) Kate and Mira as if they were meaningful and real in their lives- it’s very special. It’s why so many writers write and readers read- we’re all in on the intimacy of creating worlds together. And all writers start out as readers.

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6. Writing sex scenes…tell me about your process.

I don’t think there is one process. For me, the sex scenes in my novel grow out of the characters’ realities. Sex is just a part of human experience. One sexual act is going to be different from another because we’re all just different. We look for different things in sex, we understand our sexual reality really differently. In this book (the characters of) Kate and Mira are coming of age in the ballet world and at the time the focus was the child-like body (puberty becomes vilified for girls). What happens to normal sexual development is that it’s thwarted and repressed. It looks unhealthy and damaging and I was interested in charting that. For these characters, it has some disastrous consequences.

7. Who do you love and how does that sneak into your writing?

Well, I would start with my family. My husband is a cartoonist and we’ve been together 25 years. My daughter is 9 years old. I love my parents, who gave me a loving childhood. I have three brothers- a big and close family. Loving people very deeply has taught me compassion and to try to understand other people’s realities without judgment. I take that into my fiction. My characters are not always good people but my job is to understand their reality. That feels like an act of love.

8. To write is to know rejection. Tell me about a time when rejection was poignant for you.

In the early days of trying to write this novel, my attempts were rejected. I applied for a number of grants and was rejected by them all. I was even rejected from a class I tried to get into from a writer I that greatly admired. It was important- I had to decide if I was going to continue with this material which felt frivolous then. It would have been easy to abandon.

9. You have some naughty, nefarious characters. How much of real life bleeds into the creation of said characters?

I am a fiction writer so fiction allows me to move in a parallel sphere, which is so wonderful. In my daily life I’m a well-balanced parent and professional and I value those things. But in my fictional world I am fascinated with human extremity and excess. I don’t understand that relationship but I write the opposite of my life. I ask myself- What does this tell me? What does it say about US? Our world is filled with examples of people who are nefarious and abhorrent. I’m into it from a fictional perspective.

10. When were you most proud?

You know what’s gonna come to mind? When I saw my daughter in The Nutcracker last year! I kept her out of dance because of my complicated history but she auditioned on her own for her school’s program. With no background at all she got in, treated it seriously, and she (with all the children) were just beautiful. Seeing them love movement and music  was really very moving. Also when Girl Through Glass was finally published- that was immense. And these things happened at the same time!

11. Tell me a story about a story

The very unlikely story of ballet in America. I just think this is fascinating: There was a series of coded movements that arose in the Renaissance courts of Europe and they ended up in St. Petersburg. Then the Russian revolution happened and many of the dancers that were trained in this tradition of movements left and were exiled. They were exposed to many other artistic influences- Modernism, the avant garde, etc.. When WWII struck  these dancers and choreographers spread all over the world. Many came to America. These ex-patriot Russians set down roots in America and in doing so created a cultural institution of America and American childhood. That’s the story of ballet in America. It’s rather unlikely. I mean, how many millions of girls and boys has it affected? It’s part of American childhood!

Bonus Points:
What are your quirks? I really like tea. I have a tea obsession, love tea shops. Would be so happy to spend all afternoon in a tea shop.

How does a character become named? It’s a process- kind of a long one. I start working on that character but as I’m moving along the character shifts, changes, and becomes more complex- often the name doesn’t feel right. So I change it. A character might go through 3 or 4 names. I just intuitively feel that it’s right when the name just sticks.

Graceful thanks to Sari for her candor and extraordinary commitment to getting the ballet world just right- I am still reeling from her incredible story about the history. Just remarkable.

Follow Sari on Twitter and Facebook.
Buy her incredible book ‘Girl Through Glass’ here.
Visit her website.
Learn about the revered George Balanchine here.

Pictured above: novel cover art submitted by Ms. Wilson; author photo credit: Elena Seibert

***As part of this series, writers are asked to submit photos capturing who they are as well as a glimpse of his/her writer life.

***Know someone that would be a great fit for 11 Questions? Nominate them or yourself: KellyQBooks (@) gmail (dot) com

Convos With Writers: 11 Questions with Bethany Neal

When I was 17 I was reallllly into headbands, Green Day CDs, and Doc Martens. Oh and I regularly took style cues from Tracy Flick. Ah memories!

But here’s what sticks from that time: the power of a crush, the tight bond of friendships, and the deep, frustrating awkwardness of having zero self-confidence. In short? It is so hard to really ‘get’ teenagers.

Enter someone who does: sweet Bethany Neal, YA author of My Last Kiss and Halloween enthusiast (so we’re practically gothic, spooky soul mates, ya’ll).

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Yeah, she’s cooler than an ice cream cone. So before things get all melt-y let’s dive in.

1. What do you write and what are you reading? I write YA with a little dark side and a lot of kissing. I love writing anything that dangles a lingering question in front of the reader like a juicy carrot. It’s always so much fun to keeping secrets from readers! I read what I write (which is great advice for all writers). So lots of mysteries, darker contemporary stories, predestined love stories. For me, a good book is all about character voice. Right now I’m reading Nova Ren Suma’s 17 & Gone.

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2. Talk to me about the influence of music. Music is huge for my writing process. I actually got the idea for My Last Kiss from a Metric song called “Help, I’m Alive”. I watch a lot of music videos to get inspired, too. They’re like little mini movies that pique my storytelling feelers because a song is only a couple minutes long. After I watch a video that exercises good storytelling, I always get this itching in the back of my brain that there’s more to the story. And, if I’m lucky, I start to fill in the blanks and begin fleshing out a new novel. I’m constantly trying to find meaning behind the story a song tells to me.

3. What books shaped your childhood? Anything R.L. Stine. I am addicted to dark and spooky! Also, the Baby-Sitter’s Club books. My friends and I were obsessed! Claudia was my favorite. (Editor’s note: I call BS; everyone knows Stacey was the best)

4. Who are your mentors? Hmm, this is a tough question. I had a couple very successful authors very generously (and randomly) be kind enough to read my work before I even landed my agent. They helped me immensely with character voice and story construction. I will be forever in debt to them, but I don’t necessarily keep in close touch with them the way I would a true mentor.

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5. Wildest dream/goal you have for yourself? I have always, from day one, wanted to be interviewed in Entertainment Weekly or to have them review one of my novels. That magazine is, no joke, one of the top reasons I started writing. They write how my brain thinks. (As for) dream: Walk a red carpet.

6. Tell me about writing sex scenes. I’m a fan of sensory details over physical. Sex scenes and fights scenes are actually quite similar in that respect. It’s a lot more entertaining to be inside the character’s head as opposed to reading an instruction of what’s happening. I’m also a huge fan of the fade-to-black fake out. What I mean by that is the author ends a chapter just as things get steamy. This happens a lot in movies just as the couple hits the bed. The fabulous luxury books have is being able to go back in the next chapter via the character’s memory of the moment. This is almost better than an in-the-moment sex scene because we not only get the rose-colored glasses view (always more sultry) but we also feel redeemed because we thought we weren’t going to get the steamy details then wham! The author fakes you out and makes you swoon. So good.

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7. Who do you love and how does that sneak into your writing? Characters from TV shows, movies, and books that I adore. I picture them in my head as I write. It’s almost like having a friend beside you telling what to say in the next line of dialogue (I promise the voices in my head are only real on the page!) A lot of writers try very hard to make everything they write 100% their own. I’m not like that at all. When I write it’s a pop cultural homage to all the writers, directors, and actors who have made me who I am today. I love them, and why not write what you love?

8. You write for young adults. How do you slip into the voice and heart of a teenager? I wish it was harder for me to do because that would mean I’d somehow grown and evolved. Alas, I am ever and eternally approximately 17 years old…mentally. It probably doesn’t hurt that the majority of my favorite shows are on MTV and I read almost exclusively YA. I think this goes back to the reading what you write thing. In order to stay in touch with your audience you need to be part of it. I will say, again, though that music is a huge help. I make playlists for every book I write and each character has his/her own theme song. All I have to do is sit in front of my computer, play that song, and I’m transported. I live for that feeling!

9. Tell me about failure and rejection. Do I have to? As a writer, rejection is unavoidable. There isn’t a single book in the world that everyone enjoys. Training yourself to accept that is key to persevering in publishing. I try my best to view obstacles and perceived failures as wreckage that falls in front of me, not to block me, but to build a staircase for me to climb higher.

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10. What inspires story ideas for you, and what inspired the story for My Last Kiss? Spoiler alert (re: question #2), My Last Kiss was inspired by a song. At its core though, my source of inspiration comes from writing what I want to understand. They say write what you know, but I believe you should write what you want to know. I’m constantly trying to figure out why humans are such complex little monsters.

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11. Tell me a story about a story: When I was in fourth grade, my best friend  told me a story about a boy who was locked away inside the walls of his home because his parents were punishing him for being too loud. Oh, and his parents also cut out his tongue, ya know, because he was so loud. I was terrified until a few months later her older brother rented a movie called The People Under the Stairs that had an eerily similar plot. To this day, I’m not sure if I was more mad that she essentially plagiarized Stephen King’s story or that she’d made me watch a horror movie when I was nine.

Extra credit: Bethany usually writes or edits while laying on the floor and if she weren’t a badass writer she’d be an actress (longtime dream still holding strong!).

Tons of thanks to Miss B for caring and sharing a whole slew of good tips and solid stories. Peruse her playful website, The Writertorium, and follow her nail art and cat captures on Instagram. Giver her a follow on Twitter here. Oh, and buy her book which is so good at getting your head and heart back to high school.

***As part of this series, writers are asked to submit photos capturing who they are as well as a glimpse of his/her writer life. Images above include author’s headshot, book cover, photo with her writing partner (yep, her cat), and the moment her book was released at Barnes & Noble (Ann Arbor, MI location). 

***Know someone that would be a great fit for 11 Questions? Nominate them or yourself by reaching out to me at KellyQBooks (@) gmail (dot) com.

Convos With Writers: 11 Questions with Anna Lane

Crack your knuckles and do some light stretching because the dynamic, articulate, fun, and spirited woman you’re about to meet will have you laughing so hard that you’ll mildly choke on that glass of wine paired with Oreos (no judgment; it’s nice to eat allllll the treats once kids go to bed).

Ladies and gentlemen, meet the vivacious Anna Lane. She’s a hybrid of former actress/ stellar comedian/ humor writer who serves as the Los Angeles Editor of StrollerTraffic and the voice behind Misadventures in Motherhood. And yes, her California-sunkissed blonde hair and radiant smile is the stuff of dreams but that is besides the point.

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Now that your appetizer is over let’s shimmy right along to the main course.

1. What do you write and what are you reading?
I like to say that I write anything – as long as I’m being paid for it!  Mostly I write a blog, Misadventures in Motherhood, and I’m the LA Editor for StrollerTraffic.  I freelance for a living, so I’ve done everything from punching up scripts to ghostwriting a TED talk. I’m currently reading A Little Life.  It’s beautiful, yet also disturbing, especially if one is a parent.

2. You’re a former actress and stand-up comedian. When did you recognize that you had a way with humor?
I’ve always been described as “quirky” so stand-up comedy really came about when I was frustrated with acting (or, more correctly NOT acting) and I needed a creative outlet. I was terrible at first, as are most people, and it takes quite a few years to learn how to write a great joke, but I found stand-up to be so much more fulfilling than acting. Once I learned to write jokes and realized how good I was at doing so, humor writing was a natural progression. I’m sure there are people who find my sarcasm about parenting off putting, but you can’t please everyone, and I’m fine with that.

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3. You throw the door open on deeply personal topics. How do you decide the right level of candor when you write?  
Interestingly enough, I’m actually a very private person. The thing that I love about blogging is that I choose how much to share and how much not to share. I try to be very careful and respectful of my kids and my spouse and to not reveal things that are incredibly embarrassing. That being said, I think it’s important to discuss the realities of birth and marriage and sex after kids. Women should be fully informed that their lady parts will NEVER be the same after giving birth, and that even if they can fit into their pre-baby clothes they aren’t going to look good on a body that’s carried, birthed and fed a child or three.

4. Who are your mentors?
  
When I was doing stand-up I worked with Wendy Liebman who is the most incredible woman. She’s a talented writer, a warm and caring person, and an amazing wife and step-mom. She’s truly the type of woman that has me asking, “How does she do it?” I’m also really inspired by the ladies at StrollerTraffic, because they are all Moms who are writers, and it’s pretty awesome to have a job where your colleagues understand if you have a sick kid. My blogger crush is Ilana Wiles from Mommy Shorts – I’m constantly amazed at the amount of content she manages to generate and how she keeps her blog fresh and funny. Plus I would kill for her traffic and sponsors!!!

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5. What does rejection look like?  
Haha – the entirety of my adolescence and acting career!  My therapist, however, has probably paid her mortgage thanks to all of the sessions we’ve logged due to my rejections. Look, it’s difficult to not take rejection personally especially when you do a creative job that comes so much from your heart and soul. It sucks. I’ve found as I’ve gotten older and more confident in my abilities as a writer that I’m not quite as bothered by people telling me “no thanks” anymore.

6. Talk to me about writing sex scenes.


I think as a society we have a very unrealistic idea of what sex is “supposed” to look like. The reality is that after ten years of marriage and two kids you’re just trying to stay awake long enough to do the deed.

7. Who do you love and how does that sneak into your writing?
I love my kids so much, and I’m grateful to them for sending me down the path of being a writer. If I hadn’t needed a creative outlet after my son’s birth, I would never have started blogging, and my blog is the way I got all of my other jobs! Sometimes I think about shutting down my blog, and I just can’t do it, because it’s sort of The Little Engine that Could, slowly trudging up the big mountain and making it to the top when no one thought it would happen.

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8. Your Instagram account (@TheAnnaLane) is peppered with a hilarious stream of motherhood memes. Tell me more about it.  


I have to give credit for the memes to an old stand-up colleague, actually. I was putting funny jokes on Facebook and Twitter and he emailed me and said that I should turn them into memes, and suggested I use my profile photo as the background. I had NO IDEA how to make a meme, and he actually walked me through how to do it. I’m so thankful that he did that, because it’s really helped with my branding, which I was struggling with on Instagram’s visual platform. I think people don’t often read the captions, so the memes are a way for me to tell my parenting jokes in the photo.

9. What has been your greatest lesson with being a freelance writer?
That my work is worth GOOD money. I’m still learning this lesson, especially when it comes to my blog and sponsored content. Writing is a talent and a skill.  Writers are necessary, and it’s important to understand your value. That being said, when you first start out you may have to take a couple crap jobs to get established and build your resume, but you need to understand when that’s no longer appropriate. Ask for what you’re worth, you might be pleasantly surprised at people’s reactions.

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10. Wildest dream you have for yourself?  
To turn my blog into a TV script, sell it, and write on the show. I should have time to write that script in about 18 years when my kids leave for college…

11. Tell me a story about a story:  


I’m not even sure what you’re asking here, but I’m almost positive that the writers from Sex and the City based the baby gherkin storyline on me. I dated a guy in college when I was living in New York and he had the tiniest dick ever, and I was in the bathroom at a club, crying in a stall and complaining about it to my friends and how there was no way I could continue to date him. Two years later that whole scene showed up in SATC practically verbatim. The guy was a total douche who still lived with his parents at age 33 and not worth my time or my bedroom skillz, but hindsight is always 20/20. I comfort myself by reminding myself that he’s enjoying a lifetime of women dumping him because his penis is too small, so there’s that.

BONUS POINTS:

Favorite snack? Chocolate covered pretzels are my undoing.

On a kidless day, what are you doing? Yoga, mani/pedi, reading Domino, and probably day drinking with a girlfriend.

Gracious thanks to Anna for sharing bits of herself and a Sex and the City reference I will not soon forget. Follow her hilarious memes on Instagram, check out StrollerTraffic, and read along on her ‘little engine that could’ blog.

***As part of this series, writers are asked to submit photos capturing who they are as well as a glimpse of his/her writer life.

***Know someone that would be a great fit for 11 Questions? Nominate them or yourself by reaching out to me at KellyQBooks (@) gmail (dot) com.

Convos With Writers: 11 Questions With Kayt Sukel

I am gobsmacked by Kayt Sukel. It’s not often that you come across someone who is dynamic in all forms: brilliant, curious, stunningly pretty, wickedly funny, easy conversationalist, and all-around cool girl. I imagine she kills it at just about every dinner party.

Kayt is the author of Dirty Minds: This is Your Brain on Sex and The Art of Risk: The New Science of Courage, Caution, and Chance (just released as of this month). With a zest for science and worldly adventure, her writing covers everything from love, neuroscience, single parent traveling, politics, and yes, even orgasms (more on that later). You can find her contributions in the pages of The Atlantic Monthly, the New Scientist, USA Today, Pacific Standard, The Washington Post, ISLANDS, Parenting, the Bark, American Baby, National Geographic Traveler, and the AARP Bulletin.

If you’re not totally intimidated by her awesomeness by now, you should know that she easily copped to an affection for wine and Cheetos. So now that we’re all officially in love with her and her work, let’s get started.

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1. What do you write and what are you reading?
I write mostly about travel and neuroscience – but I also dip a toe from time to time into healthcare technology, current events, parenting, and the occasional Facebook rant.  As to what I’m reading…this could change literally from day to day.  I am an unapologetic book nerd.  That said, I’m currently re-reading Emma Donoghue’s Room. Because being a Mom means never seeing Oscar-nominated films in the theatre, I wanted to revisit the story before I saw the movie.  But I also recently finished Alexander Chee’s The Queen of the Night, Shanna Mahin’s Oh! You Pretty Things and Anna North’s The Life and Death of Sophie Stark. They were all amazing. It’s funny. I am a non-fiction writer who revels in fiction. Forget revel—I like to roll around naked in all those amazing words and stories and fall in love. I am a fiction junkie, always looking for my next fix. And all I have to do is open the cover and begin.

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2. Your new book The Art of Risk juxtaposes the fearless child you were and the practical-minded adult you became. In the aftermath of risk…what was your greatest failure and conversely greatest reward?
According to my mother, my greatest failure is never finishing my doctorate. I don’t quite see it that way—but she still hasn’t relinquished this idea of me working as a professor at some funky liberal arts college somewhere. I think she has the fantasy down to the specific artsy scarves I’d wear during office hours.
But if you ask me, my greatest failure isn’t one particular incident but rather a single quality that brings to bear on just about every situation I find myself in:  my impatience. Especially now that my kids are getting older, friends and loved ones are moving on or dying off, I realize that the world is not going to end if something doesn’t happen right this very second. I should take more time, play it where it lays, and pay attention to what’s right in front of me. It’s probably fair to say that I often have great difficulty living in the moment. But it’s something I’m working on.
That ties into my greatest reward, too. Because when I can be more patient, slow down and really take in what’s around me—man, life can be pretty fucking wonderful.

3. Tell me about getting a book deal.
By many accounts, I should have never gotten a book deal. I was living in Europe at the time and wasn’t that tuned into the literary scene. But I went to some great writing conferences. I met some fabulous writers who not only inspired me but also invited me into their worlds. A fellow writer introduced me to my agent. She then helped me hone a simple idea into a compelling book proposal. And somehow, someway, the work prevailed. I’d like to say I’m lucky. But it really came down to being part of a community—and when I say community, not just taking, but giving all I could back to those amazing people, too—and a lot of elbow grease.

4. You write about fascinating, complicated science. How do you take something complex and break it down effortlessly for the average reader to grasp?
Many people raise an eyebrow when I tell them I write about both science and travel. But, for both, you need to be able to find the story and then tell it in such a way that people can really connect to it. Think about the last travel story you read about a beach. When it comes down to it, any beach, no matter how fabulous it might be, is just water and sand. How is that beach different from the one your parents dragged you to when you were a kid? How do you turn that one beach into a place that everyone wants to visit? You find the story. The story that makes that place feel real and beautiful—and makes it comes to life in the reader’s mind. Science is no different. When you talk about the neurons and the genes, you have to find the story. The story that makes those weird acronyms and processes make sense. The story that makes it about the reader as much as the scientist or the finding. I think once you find that story it makes it easier to break down the complexity in a meaningful way.

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5. What does life look like when you’re in the process of penning a book?
Really embarrassing, actually. Think of a woman in her PJs, on the couch, with Castle re-runs on in the background. There are probably a couple empty bottles of Diet Coke nearby and three individual packs of Cheetos. Because if you buy the individual servings, you lie to yourself and say you’ll only eat one. And all those wrappers are invariably on top of the stack of papers I need right that very minute to finish my chapter.
That said, I try to keep life fairly routine whether I’m working on a book or not. I’m a Mom—so there’s still homework to oversee, kids to chauffeur, and dinners to make. But during the day? Oh god. All Diet Coke, all the time. 

6. You famously ‘showed’ your orgasm on the Internet. Talk to me about throwing the door open on sex.
Sometimes I think “Had Orgasm in fMRI Scanner” will be engraved on my tombstone. But it really just was one of those things. While writing my first book, THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON SEX, I interviewed Barry Komisaruk, a researcher who studies the female orgasm. As we spoke, it was hard for me to imagine how it all worked. While studying neuroscience, I piloted quite a few fMRI studies. I knew how loud, how cramped, and just plain uncomfortable it was in those machines. So how were these women achieving orgasm—and were the orgasms they were having even remotely like ones they might have outside the laboratory? These were questions I couldn’t answer unless I participated myself. So I did.

7. Who do you love and how does that sneak into your writing?
I love my husband, my kids, my dog, my Mom, my friends, Nathan Fillion, my dog, and my family. Did I mention my dog, Maggie?  
They sneak into my writing because they inspire me to be silly, to be curious, to be kind, and to be open. They ask good questions—or they give good snuggles. They make me laugh. They support me even when I’m neck deep in Cheetos and edits. And they make me want to go forth and explore. Sometimes even in a Firefly class space ship.

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8. When were you most proud?
This is a hard question!  I can be a little hard on myself so it’s hard to pick one crowning moment of pride. I remember feeling all verklempt when I graduated from college and my entire extended family came to root for me. And then again when I held my book in my hands for the first time. And when my son won the second grade science fair. I can’t pick one “most” here. Because I have to admit that I also want to high five myself when I make a chocolate soufflé and get it out of the oven without it collapsing.

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9. Who are your mentors?
I am inspired by so many people. My undergraduate thesis advisor at Carnegie Mellon University, Marlene Behrmann, taught me to not only love neuroscience—but to be a curious skeptic. Her voice is the voice I hear in my head every time I read a new study, asking questions and pushing boundaries. I love writers like Margaret Atwood and Pam Houston for their fearlessness. And Steph Davis, a free solo climber and BASE jumper I featured in THE ART OF RISK is amazing. She reminds me that we are, each and every one of us, capable of much more than we realize.

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10. What does regret look like?
I do my best not to pay mind to regret, certainly not enough to tell you what it looks like. But that’s because I know it does us no favors to mull on what could have been. Like every college student, I read Still Life With Woodpecker. It’s practically an undergraduate rite of passage, you know? Robbins has this one line in there, “Success can eliminate as many options as failure.” That’s something that has always stuck with me. Because I learned early that achieving the things you wanted (or thought you wanted) can be just as limiting as falling flat on your face. And when you understand that life can take you in so many weird and wild paths—all of which offer opportunities for laughter, learning, and wonder if you allow yourself to be open to them—there’s no point in getting stuck on the woulda, shoulda, couldas.

11. Tell me a story about a story:

I am in love with Margaret Atwood’s The Blind Assassin.  I re-read this book at least once a year. But I have to buy a new copy of it pretty much each time I do. Because it’s a book I love to give away to other people. I try to explain it and just conclude with, “You have to read it…here, take this copy.” At last count, I have purchased The Blind Assassin 16 times. And I’m fairly certain that I’m due to buy another copy. Just need to meet the next person I’m going to give it to. It won’t be long now.

Bonus points: Tell me about the cover art for The Art of Risk.
I love the cover! Do you know what I love most about it? People can’t decide whether the rope is orange or red. I feel like it’s kind of a risk test. Those who see it as orange, the color for caution, are more open to unbridled possibility. Those who see it as red? Not so much.

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(Editor’s note: Orange all the way. How about you?)

Huge thanks to Kayt for being incredible and for making me crave a chocolate soufflé at 10:30am.

Follow Kayt and her oversharing on Twitter.
Get lost in her beautiful website.
Watch her presentations at TEDMED and Chicago Ideas Week here.
And of course, pick up The Art of Risk (the opening pages will yank you right in)

***As part of this series, writers are asked to submit photos capturing who they are as well as a glimpse of his/her writer life.